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Brazil gets blitzkrieged by Germany and then the Internet

by Jon Henseler

Absolutely perfect 8 second summary of the Germany/Brazil World Cup semifinal yesterday afternoon. Germany practically run-ruling Brazil on their home turf by a 7-1 final. 7-1! They scored 5 goals in the first 29 minutes! If this were an NFL game it would be like the Packers losing the NFC Championship game at Lambeau 49-7 and being down 35-0 at halftime*. Probably the most dominant performance put on by Germany since their match-up with Poland in 1939. Heck I'm a little surprised that Brazil wasn't forced to sign a treaty at the end of the match in addition to the traditional exchange of jersey's. And because of the age we live in, Brazil's misery wasn't limited to merely watching their team get decimated in their back yard. No no no. In 2014 your failure isn't complete until you've gone on the Internet Tour of Shame. You can check out the meme collection here , but this I think was my favorite from yesterday:

You know how some internet fads get old? Planking, Harlem Shaking, Prancercising, lolcats (jk that one never gets old) they all have their brief run before retiring to the Internet Hall of Fame. Well giving the good ol' JR treatment to videos will never, EVER get old. Such a double edged sword though. If you're a Brazilian fan (grow up) it just pours salt on the wound. If you're a German fan it pours salt on the rim of a martini made with vermouth, vodka and Brazil's fan tears.

*You know what I think would actually spark some interest in soccer in America? Making goals worth more points. Sounds stupid but think about it, the number one complaint from Americans is that there isn't enough scoring in soccer. But when you really break it down what's the difference between a goal and a touchdown? A goal is worth 1 point and a touchdown is worth 6 (7) for reasons no one can really explain. A soccer match that ends with a 3-2 score is basically an NFL game that ends 21-14. I really think it could be that simple. That and add helmets, shoulder pads, allow tackling and change the ball to an elongated egg with laces on it and allow people to use their hands. Boom I just fixed soccer.

PS: I've always been intrigued by those robot vacuum's but they freak me out a little bit. The fact that it remembers patterns and decides when to clean and when not to leads me to believe that one day it will become self aware and I'll wake up with a cord wrapped around my neck. I've seen Terminator 2 and this is how it starts. Nobody every got killed by a Swiffer. (?)